*Siiiiiiiiigh*

My mama called me tonight at a few minutes til 8. My grandma is back in the hospital. Apparently, she fell last night at my dumbass aunt's house. Then, said dumbass aunt didn't bother taking her to the doctor until today. *Eyeroll*

Anyway, when the doctor saw her, he realized she had bigger problems than the fall and sent her straight to the hospital. The doctors there said she had an infection in her neck (don't ask, I don't know, either) and no protein in her whole body. Nobody can or will say if the malnourishment is from the infectious colitis she also still has or not, but I'm gonna go with yes. Additionally, she has half the amount of red blood cells you're supposed to have and three times the number of white blood cells you're supposed to have.

So yeah. They don't expect her to make it. They've been giving her pain meds and are supposed to start blood transfusions tomorrow, but my mama has already reiterated the DNR orders.

I'm a terrible person, but I honestly can't say that I give a damn one way or the other. Yes, I realize just how awful my lack of give-a-damn is, but I'm sorry. Not one damn was given in the Land of Teh Bunneh.

I'm sorry for my mother. It IS her mama, after all. Even I'm not that much of a douche.

I just can't bring myself to be hypocritical enough to act all upset over the old lady's impending demise at this late a date. She burned her bridges with me a long time ago. I just dread all the drama that I KNOW is going to take place after she dies. Between my mama's money-grubbing sisters and having to deal with the "estate," my mama is probably going to go nuts.

And I'm probably gonna have to stomp some asses at the funeral home. Won't that make a great headline in the A/C paper?

I dunno. Like I said, I'm probably a horrible person. But I just can't be a hypocrite and pretend that I'm distraught when I'm not. I won't be a bitch about it or anything. I'll keep my thoughts about the old lady to myself, and I'll be nice to people who come offering condolences, but I can't pretend to love someone I don't give a shit about. The effort and the hypocrisy is just too much to deal with.

After all...the reason I'm not a Baptist now is that, as Val Kilmer as Doc Holliday said in Tombstone, "My hypocrisy only goes so far." Pretending that I give a shit about the old lady is beyond me.

I do hope I can make it as easy as possible for my mama, though. The old lady's put her through the wringer her whole life, especially for the past...20...or so years. Maybe one day, my poor mother can get some peace. She's made her mistakes, too, but I know that inside, she still has some humanity left. That's why I can have empathy for her and not the old woman.

Sometimes, intentions ARE a better way to judge people than actions. Especially when dealing with crazy people like this.

In any case, I fully expect to have to go home for several days for a funeral within the next week or so. God, give me strength. *Sigh*