Ok

Jack Daniel's. If I don't, I'll do something stupid.

Sitting at home alone drinking is far better than the alternative.

Once crisis mode has passed, I will sit down and compose myself and do what my rational mind thinks is best. But right now, I need to stop myself from doing *anything* because whatever I do will undoubtedly be ill-advised.

The one thing she's wrong about? She has no idea how I feel about her. NO idea. I don't suppose she'll ever know how much I'm in love with her. For God's sake, did she really think that this whole me swallowing my pride and looking like a jackass was ALL for him, the one who's determined to play both ends against the middle to save his ass til the bitter end? Some of it was. Probably half of it. The other half was for her. I just didn't want to say it. I was too afraid to say it.

And my fear of her, of her ability to shred my heart into a million pieces without even trying, is what wrought this whole pile of shit to start with.

I wasn't asking for another chance. I was asking for a conversation. And one of the people I love most in this world shut me out completely before I even got the opportunity to say what was on my mind and in my heart.


I wonder how long it takes to drink yourself to death....