To Add Insult To Injury...

Taco Bell didn't even have any chicken, so I didn't get any Chicken Ranchero soft tacos. *Cries*

So I didn't get to have the dinner I wanted, AND I didn't get to have the dessert I wanted. Which leaves me one very unsatisfied bunny. Which means I'll probably be grazing all damn night because I couldn't have what I wanted. :(

I hurt all over. I have no idea where my heating pad is. And I don't really have any meds here that'll help because I've been popping them left and right for these killer headaches I've had recently. Maybe I can get some tomorrow because I really need to go to the grocery store, anyway.

At least I know why my hip and back were hurting, I guess. They always give trouble around this time of month. :(

Ok, forgive me, but I'm going to be whiny. It happens when I'm in pain. Besides, this is my blog, so I reckon I can bitch and moan and whine all I want to.

I'm off sex for awhile. Like, that's my vow to myself. I mean, even if this shot in the dark works--which I am rapidly losing hope for, by the way--and I somehow end up with the world's biggest pain in the ass (a.k.a, the boy) back in my life, there will be no sex for a good while. I'm trying to get my head together, for one. And if--big IF--there's to be any chance of things working out between him and me, assuming I get the chance to even try, there can be no sex. We've had deep, deep problems for many years that we've never solved because we obscured them with sex. And those problems have continued to jump up and bite us in the ass repeatedly because we haven't dealt with them. Thus, sex is off the table until I see if anything is salvageable or not. And even if I don't get the chance to try to see if I can fix shit with him, I'm still exiling myself. I have too many sex issues to work out first before I go running out and finding the next dumbass who comes along to fuck.

Ok. That was a tangent, sorry. But I wanted to make this as clear as possible, LOL.

I'm a very lonely little girl. (Yes, when I hurt, I regress to little girl mode. Fuck you if you don't like it.) I want someone I love to come and snuggle close to me. I DON'T want sex. I want to be held. I want the warmth of a loved one's body to take the place of my lost heating pad. I want to be massaged. I want sweet words and maybe kisses. I just want to cling and cling and cling until I stop hurting and go to sleep. That's all I want. :(

I hurt outside. I hurt inside. I would like to escape it for awhile. Even my old pal alcohol isn't going to fix it this time. :(

As the days go by, my hopes for an answer get dimmer, honestly. I was hoping for a guarded "Ok, we can try to talk" at best or at least a "Kiss my ass" at worst. As I've said before, I think indifference hurts the worst. Hope is a cruel emotion, but I'm going to keep clinging to it and making excuses in my mind, at least for a few more days.

I wish she'd at least hear what I had to say before telling me to go to hell, though. :( I mean, I've *really* put a lot of thought into this, and I believe I've come up with something fairly revolutionary in the way of handling this shitty situation. But I dunno. Maybe I was wrong to even try. I probably was. :(

Yeah...this blog took a turn I didn't mean for it to take, but whatever. I'm not deleting. I don't care anymore. :| I really just wanted to whine about how much my back and hip hurt and how badly I want someone to baby me a little.


Good Lord. I'm sitting here eatimg sugar-free chocolate icing out the can and drinking diet sparkling strawberry lemonade straight out of the bottle. Straight out of the...*ahem*...two-liter bottle. I am truly the epitome of class and sophistication. A paragon, I tell you. A paragon.

See? If I were REALLY five years old, I wouldn't have this problem. ;)