Dear Life, Please Stop Sucking

I am suddenly overwhelmed with everything. It's a combination of physical tiredness (I didn't get to sleep until nearly 8 am, and then I was rudely awakened by the pest control guy's creditor knock a few short hours later), mental and psychological weariness, too much to do, too little time to do it, and WAY too much drama in my life. I've reached that point where I don't want to do anything but curl up in bed and hide away from the world. I haven't logged into one of my jobs since last Wednesday. Admittedly, it's because I've been working on the other 2? 3? 4?

I don't even know how many jobs I technically have anymore. *Facepalm*

It was like the being overwhelmed feeling hit out of nowhere, less than an hour ago. I had plans to concentrate this week on things I've been needing to do but have put off in favor of other, more pressing things. And what have I done? Jack motherfucking shit.

I have literally accomplished two things today. The rest has been me doing a little here and a little there, all amounting to basically nothing.

The temptation to temporarily up the Wellbutrin is great. A week-long euphoric mania would get EVERYTHING done and then some. Then, just back it back down before it turned ugly. I could even get the house clean. When I first started the Wellbutrin, before I got the Lamictal, I cleaned it all except my bedroom in one night, basically.

But I know I shouldn't. Life is already making me want to pull my hair out, and I'm stable. Let's not make it any worse. So I shall resist the temptation.

My mother called me with more grandmother drama. I've also spent the last few days listening to my father bitch about my mother. If my mother weren't so caught up in this grandma shit, she'd be bitching about him, too. I have put up with this for TWENTY YEARS. Yes, you read that right. Twenty. I could repeat their complaints about one another verbatim. It's so annoying, being stuck in the middle. It's not as bad now that I'm out of the house now. Nothing like it was when I was in, you know, GRADE SCHOOL. But, good Lord, you'd think they'd get tired of saying the same shit over and over to the same person.

But you would be wrong. I honestly believe these people *live* to make each other miserable. They'll never get divorced because then what would they have to bitch about?

God, and people wonder why I have such a negative view of marriage and why I can't have drama-free relationships. You'd think it'd be patently obvious, LOL.

I need to go to the grocery store still. The cramps are so bad that I haven't even wanted to *move*, though. Unfortunately, there's really nothing here to eat. I totally had leftover "spaghetti" (read: macaroni noodles and canned chunky veggie spaghetti sauce) and a bologna sandwich for supper. You know you're a broke ass who needs to go grocery shopping when that's what you have for dinner. It sounds like the beginning of a Jeff Foxworthy joke. *Eyeroll*


****TMI Alert****

Also? This period? Jesus Christ. It's vile.

I use the Instead cups because they're a thousand times better than tampons and a million times better than adult diapers--err, pads. Anyway, the manufacturers say you can go up to 12 hours without changing them. I can usually manage to go 6-8 hours, whereas with tampons, it's more like 2-4. But, damn, this time, I'm having to change the cups like they're tampons, every 2-4 hours. :(

I don't know WTF is wrong with me. I'm blaming it on all the aspirin, Tylenol, and Advil I've been taking to kill these godawful headaches I can't get rid of. Maybe they're thinning my blood a lot? I dunno.

I think I'm hemorrhaging to death. :(

****End TMI****


God, I've turned into a whiny-ass bitch. Or maybe I've always been one and am just now noticing. *Eyeroll*

I can't decide if I want to go to bed or sit up and pretend to fuck around and work on various site shit. Can I have an official decision-maker? I'm about as good at making decisions as I am at singing, which is to say that I'm like the Taylor Swift or the Ke$ha of decision-making. I'm bad at it and would like to avoid it as much as possible.

Too bad the rest of the world appears to be even WORSE at it than I am. It annoys the living hell out of me that the majority of the people around me--mostly family, but others, too--just waver and equivocate and act wishy-washy until I get pissed off and make the damn decision *for* them. Dude, I'm TERRIBLE at this. Don't make me do it because you're too lazy, useless, stupid, or any combination of the three to do it.

Honestly, I think the problem is that most people would rather equivocate and waffle than make a decision because deciding to do something means you have to get off your ass and take action. And God forbid. We can't have that. It might lead to dancing. :O

/soapbox


Also, I saw this today and thought it was amusing, in light of my current "I hurt and hate the whole world" whining:

Also, it appears that "EverythingIDoIsWrong.org" is an actual functional website, LOL.