Between work, cleaning the house with K.--who is now henceforth to be known as "ChaosKitty" because I'm tired of just calling her K.--and dealing with various other drama, I haven't had time to post much. LOTS of work. I might've bought *ahem* five more sites on Saturday, so I've given MYSELF a ton of work, and I'm now getting some paid work, too! *Happy dance*
ChaosKitty and I have been killing it on the housecleaning, too. I can actually see the floor in my bedroom again, and most of my now-clean clothes have been put up. I'm finally getting to put the new stuff on my bed that I got for my birthday...in November.
See, I didn't wanna put nice new shit on my bed in the middle of a room that perpetually looked as if a hurricane had come through it. Lipstick on a pig, etc., etc. But now that it's mostly clean (and will be totally clean within the next few days), I think it's going to be super-cute! I opened everything to wash it today because if I don't, I wake up all broken out in hives. (Yes, I learned this the hard way several years ago.) Anyway, when I opened the stuff, I realized two fantastic things: 1.) The sheets are microfiber, like the one set of purple ones I love more than life and have been using exclusively since I got them, and 2.) The comforter is sort of satiny!
:heart:
Anyway, my house is going to be *perfect* in a few days, and I'm going to force myself to keep it that way, so I won't be ashamed to have company over, LOL. Of course, the only company I have nowadays is ChaosKitty, since Fangbunny went north, but maybe I'll make some friends one day....Or not.
In other news, work is going well. I finally bought some sites for our "company," and I've been sorta working on those. As soon as they start bringing in enough money to make it feasible, Fangbunny, ChaosKitty, and I are all bailing on our current company. I'm going to continue the freelance writing and the SEO shiznit on the side and continue working for T. because she is the most amazing boss EVAR, and she gives me free rein to do whatever the fuck I want AND pays me more than everyone else for it, LOL. But I'm hoping within the year that I'll be making more money with my OWN businesses than with everyone else's. *More happy dance*
In more somber news, my mother's been keeping me posted on my grandma. The prognosis goes from bad to slightly better to worse and back again. Yesterday, there was a 50/50 chance she was going to make it, supposedly. Then, this morning, they were talking about a feeding tube. Then, this evening, they've started her on a constant morphine drip because it's the "humane" thing to do.
So I'm figuring it's not going to be long now. In my experience, the morphine hurries the end along because of the respiratory depression, etc. But, honestly, I think it's better that way. I expect to have to go home within the next week or two.
I sorta feel bad that I don't feel bad about it. I mean, I'm sorry in that abstract sort of way that you feel sorry when you hear of the loss of any human life. But other than that? I'm blank. I guess that's bad, but it's honest.
I don't really believe in lying about my feelings, you know? Even if it would make someone else feel better for me to do so. I once tried to convince myself I was in love with a man I wasn't in love with. I told him I loved him. I tried to act like I loved him. I might've even fooled myself into believing it for a second. Probably not, but maybe. And I felt horrible inside and hated myself every minute that I kept up the charade.
So I don't do that shit anymore.
So, yeah, probably going to have to go home for a funeral soon. I dread it. ChaosKitty said she'd come with me. She'll probably be the only one who'll show up *just* for me. Call me selfish, but that's always one of the saddest things to me about funerals and visitation at funeral homes. Other people have friends show up in solidarity for them, even if they didn't know the deceased. Me? I just stand around awkwardly and follow my mother's every step because a.) I know NO ONE is there for me, and b.) having that many people crushed in near me makes me incredibly anxious, and I end up having claw marks on my neck because I've convinced myself that I can't breathe because of the crowd closing in.
Ugh. I dread the shit out of this. I've also been combing my closets trying to find nice and sedate-looking dresses (read: not ho dresses) that still fit me to wear to both funeral home and funeral. I'm trying to decide if it's tacky to wear the dress I wore to my cousin's wedding to my grandmother's funeral. ChaosKitty and Fangbunny say no, since it's a darker purple color and is pretty simple-looking. I tend to agree with them. As long as no one remembers it's the same dress, I should be fine.
Also, ChaosKitty and I are going to B'ham on Wednesday to get our hair done by my friend S., who is in cosmetology school at Virginia College. She works in the student salon on Wednesday evenings, so I'm going to have her shape my hair up and do something nice with the color. I'm thinking a dark ash blonde, maybe? I don't know yet, though.
Ok, going to put the new stuff on my bed and probably have a snack and then go lay down in my nice, newly pimped-out bed. Also? New Disney Princess night light. Just sayin'.
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