I know I whine all the time, but, honestly, August is almost always the worst month of the year for me. Something awful ALWAYS happens. EVERY. FUCKING. YEAR.
I'm also broke as hell again. I was supposed to get $200 per site for doing that guy's work, but instead I'm only getting $150. It really irritated me because I'd already budgeted for that extra $100 for those two sites I did, and then I ended up not getting it. So now I'm $30 short having enough money to pay my loan this month. *Sigh*
Also, work is slower than shit, so I've gotta dig up enough money for week after next to pay that goddamn speeding ticket. I don't need a warrant out for my arrest.
I think the worst of it all is that I'm not going to get to go to the beach this year. I don't think I can put into words how much this breaks my heart, so I'm not even going to try.
I fear that the old fall crash has returned sooner than usual. I don't know what to do. I feel like I should med tweak, but I don't know what to tweak. This shit always starts out as depression, but then it turns mixed, and I start imagining snipers outside my house again. :( Upping the Wellbutrin would make the depression better, probably, but it'd probably push me up far enough that I'd rapid-cycle between manic and mixed. Upping the Lamictal would keep the mania down, but I'm afraid I'd bottom out. I'm not brave enough to up them both at the same time. So I dunno.
I should care more. I know I should. But my life and everybody and everything fucking sucks, so I really, really can't bring myself to care that much.
I still wish they'd be my friends. But I guess I'm shit out of luck on that front. :(
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