Life...Don't Talk To *Me* About Life

Mood: 2ish

Meds: 12 pm

Sleep: 7 hours (gotta work on this)

Other: I'm adding two new categories to this to try to keep myself on track. Today, I'm putting them below "Other" because I wanted to point out that I was putting them up, but every day after that, they'll be above it. We're going to have "Food" and "Exercise." Let's see if this helps.

Food: For lunch (I don't do breakfast, usually), I had a meatloaf sandwich on wheat, sweet potato fries with a little ketchup, a sugar-free key lime yogurt, and Diet Dr. Pepper. For dinner, I had meatloaf, brown rice, boiled squash, green beans, a couple of slices of tomato, a couple of baby carrots, and what Powerade Zero was left after I got back from walking. For a snack, I had two cubes of colby cheese, a Granny Smith apple, and four sugar-free cookies. I'm going to have another snack here in a minute before I go to bed, which I expect will consist of more cheese, more carrots, probably some cashews, and possibly yogurt or a small bowl of Special K and more Powerade.

Exercise: Walked a mile and a half today. Would've gone farther, but I was having some serious foot problems.


Speaking of foot problems, that's the whole reason for my attempts at weight loss. For awhile, I just figured, "Hell, I'm going to be fat, anyway, might as well enjoy it." Then, I started having foot pain. Heel pain to be exact. At first, I thought it was just from my tendency to wear ballet flats wherever I go no matter what during colder months. (I do flip-flops when it's warm, but they offer a little more support because I wear Yellow Box flip-flops. They're kind of expensive, but really comfortable, and my mother has a knack for finding cute ones half off.)

But then, when I was shopping with my mother Saturday and complaining about it, she asked me where it hurt. I happened to be trying some shoes on at the time, so I held my foot up and pointed. She asked me a couple of questions and then told me it sounded like the beginnings of what she had (has?): Plantar fasciitis.

To be honest, that scared the shit out of me. I'm not even 30 years old yet! I don't want to have to have goddamn foot surgery just to be ambulatory. And, for God's sake, I've got that pain in both fucking feet! Not just no, but hell no.

I asked Mother if the doctor told her that losing weight would help it, and she said yes. (Not that it mattered in her case. She was never that big, anyway, and hers had gotten so bad that they had to do surgery on it.)

Now, you have to keep this in mind. My mother is not yet 60. She's already had foot surgery, arthroscopic knee surgery, two knee replacements, surgery to fix tendinitis in her wrist, and various surgeries to fix the leaking varicose veins in her legs. (Apparently, shitty joints run in our family.)

Then, there's me. I'm 27 years old. I have a bad shoulder, a bum knee, two really bad ankles, a fucked up hip from morphea profunda (AKA, deep morphea; AKA, a form of localized scleroderma; AKA "What the fuck is this ugly thing on my leg, and why is it eating my hip joint?"), what appears to be fucking tennis elbow, and now the foot thing. This does not bode well for me.

I don't want to have had multiple surgeries or, even worse, be in a wheelchair before I'm 35. I'm far too vain, and wheelchairs rarely match anything in one's wardrobe.

So I decided that I needed to do something about it. I'm tired of aching all over like a goddamn fibromyalgia patient, and I'm tired of not being able to sit still for any length of time because everything from the hips down revolts. I don't know if losing weight will help any of this shit, but it sure as hell can't hurt it.

I also think that it'll help me with my mood and my outlook. I know that a regular schedule with regular meals and exercise helps the crazy. I know that I haven't been doing it. So even though I've been doing *medical* things to help with the crazy, I feel like I'm still not taking full responsibility until I start doing shit like this. So, yeah, two birds with one stone.

Now if I can just start sleeping worth a damn without drugs again, I'll be in good shape.


Also...I have to say this to someone who I know reads me. Thank you for not giving up on me. I thought you had, but I'm really glad to know you haven't. It makes me feel less hopeless.

Ok, folks. It's snack time and then bedtime. I'm tired, and I started today, which means I'm even MORE achy than usual, particularly in my fucked up hip. :(