Shit My Roommate Says

Ok, I thought I should post another rather amusing thing that Fangbunny and I came up with last night. I'm thinking seriously of starting a blog called "Shit My Roommate Says" because some of the things that come out of her mouth are *hilarious*. But, anyway, this is actually a post that might, you know, help someone, particularly when dealing with crazy people. It's just funny instead of whiny.


Four Ways *Not* To Apologize

1.) The "I'm only doing this to shut you up" apology: Also known as the "K, sorry" approach. One of the most obnoxious apologies out there. It's not a REAL apology. It's just that the person's tired of listening to you bitch and has decided that saying they're sorry will make you stop. If you question this person about what it is they're sorry *for*, they won't be able to tell you. I mean, unless it's the fact that they're sorry you haven't shut up yet.

2.) The worthless apology: This is sort of a continuation of #1. This is where the person says they're sorry in the most dismissive way possible ("I'm only doing this to shut you up") and then promptly goes back to doing whatever it was that pissed you off in the first place, thus rendering the apology completely useless. Being repentant and making restitution means NOTHING to these people.

3.) The "your problem, not mine" apology: Also known as the "Well, I'm sorry you feel that way" apology. This is the bitchiest of all the apologies. It is also a careful avoidance of actually taking any responsibility and admitting any wrongdoing. It's amazing how people who specialize in this apology try to appear as if they're contrite while steadily blaming you for their acting like an asshole.

4.) The avoidance apology: Also known as the "How 'bout them Yankees?" approach. This person will go to any lengths necessary to completely avoid making any reference whatsoever to his/her wrongdoing. He or she acts like nothing has happened, in hopes that you've forgotten not only *why* you're pissed off at him/her, but also that you were ever angry in the first place.

SPECIAL BONUS: The "proposition" apology: Gentlemen, "Let's have sex" is not an apology. I know you may think that your penis is the magical cure to every problem in the Universe, but you're sadly mistaken. If, in fact, you are able to get a woman who's angry at you into bed, the best you can hope for is hate sex, after which she'll still be mad you, and the worst-case scenario is....Well, just ask John Wayne Bobbit.