Jesus Fucking Christ

Mood: Mad as hell--there is no number to describe this

Meds: 3 pm

Sleep: 10 or so hours

Other: Just got another work bombshell dropped on me. I make money by answering the phone myself and then by promoting another line where I can answer or someone else can. I make more money off the latter than the former. Well, now my boss informed us that we'd get our regular money weekly as always, but now our affiliate money will only come once a month. I'm pretty sure my blood pressure shot so high, I gave myself an aneurysm.

Which is just as well. If I bleed out from my brain, I won't have to deal with this bullshit anymore. I have no idea how I'm going to live now. The stupid bitch isn't going to pay affiliate money until the 10th of the following month; what my affiliate makes in March won't be paid until April 10th. The earliest this money will deposit in my account is on the 12th of each month. I have a $350+ credit card bill at the beginning of the month, usually around the 2nd or 3rd, and my $395 rent is due no later than the 5th. So the money I was counting on to take care of most of that won't be coming until too late.

I was so looking forward to the fact that I was finally making money, enough to cover the bills, despite the fact that I am the only one paying them because Fangbunny can't make more than $100 a week because our fucking jobs suck so much. And now, here I am. Fucked again.

I can't even get a "real" job now. I haven't had a "real" job that lasted more than 9 months because I haven't been able to stay in one place long enough, or else I've been stuck doing temp jobs. I haven't been employed outside my home since 2006. Realistically, who the FUCK is going to hire me?

So even though I've been doing the best I could to get out of the call-taking end of it, I've now got to find ANOTHER phone-answering job because I can't make ends meet this way.

I can't handle this shit anymore. Why the FUCK does the whole world think it's ok to make me their goddamn dancing monkey? Why can I never catch a break? And, furthermore, why does nobody GIVE A FUCK that I'm under so much stress?

I just want one good/nice/not shitty thing to happen to me. I'm trying so hard to concentrate on getting better, but I can't as long as it's one fucking crisis after another. I have to take care of that whole "Where am I going to get money to eat/have lights/live/etc.?" thing before I can worry about my mental healthy, and it shows. The toll it's taking is ridiculous.

I really think I'm going to break soon.