Meds: 4 pm
Sleep: 10 hours
Other: After 3 days of trying, Fangbunny and I finally got my hair to be the color I wanted it to be. I'm now ash blonde with ash brown streaks. It'll be really cute once my hair grows out some more.
Today is Fangbunny's birthday. I'm sad that her gift (which I ordered from Amazon) hasn't come yet. It makes me feel like an asshole not to have a present to give to people on their birthdays. I also feel bad that I don't have the money to take her anywhere. I would've had the money, but a charge from DECEMBER just came out of my account YESTERDAY. So that didn't work out, either. I feel like a shitty friend. :(
Fangbunny just hasn't had a good day. The two people who she arguably cares about most in the world have both completely ignored her. It makes me want to hurt them. Goddamn, would it kill someone to take two minutes of their day to wish her a happy birthday? But God forbid we do something that's not completely self-centered, yes?
I hate people.
Speaking of hating people, the two most important people in MY life won't have anything to do with me, either. He won't speak to me at all, and Kitty doesn't do a lot better.
On the other hand, I've realized I've been spending too much time complaining and not enough time trying to fix things. There are several reasons for this, none of which are really excuses. The brief psychotic episode last week didn't help much. (See what happens when crazy people are deprived of sleep for extended periods of time?)
I feel like I started off well with this whole fixing my life bit, but I've sorta gone back to some of the same old habits. The coping mechanisms are very ingrained, and some of the shit that keeps happening to me makes it very trying to change things. So I think I need to work on that.
I've decided that the week I spend in New York is going to be a time when I do my best not to think of all the shit going on, all the drama, and all the bullshit in my head. I want to return with a clearer head and a better perspective. I'm tired of living with things as they are, so my plan is to change them.
Things will be talked out with quite a few different people. I will persist until things are better or until I end up with restraining orders against me. Whichever comes first. Mostly because I'm tired of being sad, broken-hearted bunny.
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