I'm livid.
Rage is not even the right word. It's something worse than rage.
Luckily for the objects of my ire, they're safely tucked away an hour down the road. But I'm still within a hair's breadth of driving to Clay County and unleashing the wrath of God on these motherfuckers.
Ok, before I launch into this story, I should clarify some things. My grandmother has another daughter. Blood relation or not, this bitch is not my mama and my Aunt M.'s sister, and she DAMN sure ain't no aunt to me.
Yes. I speak redneck when I'm really angry. Fuck you if you don't like it.
This...individual...also has two daughters. These bitches might be my grandma's granddaughters, but they ain't Mother or Aunt M.'s nieces, and they DAMN sure are no cousins of mine (or of the cousin that I do semi-claim, T.).
These sonsofbitches might share the same DNA, but they're no motherfucking family of mine.
The reasons why are irrelevant. Suffice it to say, Ms. Bitch chose to break away from the rest of the clan after Granddaddy (my mama and Aunt M.'s daddy) died. I was about 11 when they decided they were too good for the rest of us.
They don't visit my grandma. They don't do a GODDAMN thing for her. All this time she's been sick at home with hospice coming, this bitch has shown up once. ONCE.
But...when they found out my grandma was in the hospital, this family of motherfucking hypocrites saw that it was their chance to put on a show and came to parade around the hospital and act like they were concerned.
Where the FUCK were you these last 15 years when my mama and my aunt were carting this hateful old bitch around left and right, using THEIR gas and THEIR vehicles, without even a thank you from that mean, self-centered old woman? Where were YOU when she was driving them batshit for no other reason than because the old fucking narcissist thinks it's funny to make everybody jump when she says jump? (Except for me, but that's another story entirely.) Where were you when my mama, only a month after she had knee surgery, was crawling on her HANDS AND KNEES to clean the fucking carpet in that old bitch's house where she had, literally, SHIT all over the house? Where the FUCK were you?
God forbid you have to get your motherfucking hands dirty, but you can show up and parade around and look like the good little pious family. But you ain't fooling me or anybody who matters. You got my family run out of the Baptist church the whole family used to attend, and you sit up front and smile, and your motherfucking husband is a deacon, and, oh, they think you're so fucking wonderful, but one day, you will ANSWER for all your bullshit and your hypocrisy to the One that you're fucking claiming to follow.
I wouldn't give a fuck one way or the other about you dumbfucks if it weren't for the fact that this whole mess is driving my mother crazy. And you can say I don't have a right to talk about you not doing anything because I haven't, either. And you're right. I haven't. I quit bothering for that old woman a long time ago. But you also don't see me down there, parading around like I've fucking done something, either. I'm NOT a goddamn hypocrite. The only way I'll be caught dead down there is if my mama says she needs me.
But somebody needs to put the fear of God into you motherfuckers, and I pray it'll be me one of these days. Keep on fucking around, and I WILL come.
Like Kurt Russell as Wyatt Earp in Tombstone said: "You tell 'em I'm coming...and hell's coming with me!"
Of course, they're only doing it because they think the old lady's about to die, and they smell money. But the last laugh's on us. They were cut out of the will years ago, and, even so, there's very little money left anyway.
End of rant.
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