The Jealousy Post

Ok, so L.'s grandmother fell last night, so she ended up not coming to visit. That was ok, though. I stayed in bed through most of the day, listening to it rain and reading more Sherlock Holmes on my Kindle. Then, I made myself get up and do some work. :(

Now that that's taken care of, I'm blogging.

I actually started talking to a guy who seems...tolerable. Want to take bets on when he shows himself to be a.) a total asshole, b.) completely batshit, or c.) both?

I'm giving it...4 days. My money's on the 30th, folks. You heard it here first.


Ok, I said the other day that I was going to talk about jealousy. A couple of years ago, I found the absolute best article I've ever read about it in the context of polyamorous relationships, and I hand it out liberally to people.

The Broken Refrigerator

Read it. Seriously. ALL of it. Yes, I mean you. I'll wait....Even if you have to come back to it later when you can turn your full attention to it. It's incredibly long, yes, but it's also worth it. (All the articles on that site are pretty good, actually, but that one's the best, in my opinion.)


What we have here, ladies and gentlemen, is a prime example of a refusal to just FIX THE GODDAMN REFRIGERATOR. It's useless, it's counterproductive, it requires more effort to ignore the damn thing than it does to repair it, and it's destined to motherfucking fail.

One of the unintended consequences of vetoing a person your partner loves is that you hurt your partner; one of the predictable consequences of doing things which hurt your partner is you damage your relationship.

This is the point I've been trying to get across forever. Nothing--and I do mean NOTHING--will ever change until the root of the problem is gotten at.

For my part, I've been working on my own envy issues. This is what I've found.


Bunny gets envious and, therefore, angry when---->She feels like she's being left out.

Feeling like she's being left out is bad because---->She doesn't get the attention she needs.

Not getting the attention she needs is bad because---->She feels lonely and unimportant.

Feeling lonely and unimportant is bad because---->Bunny thinks that if she isn't special in some way, she'll be forgotten about and/or left for someone more interesting.

That's pretty much the long and short of it. My beast is pretty well controlled by letting me know I'm special. Also, by not spending more time finding/fucking random hos than working on fixing problems when they arise.

I'm also pretty xenophobic, for the same reason. I don't mind "old" people in my relationships. When "new" people come along, though, I'm automatically distrustful. I'm the reverse of most people. I don't mind when people I love are in loving relationships with other people. I mind the casual, random hookups because I'm afraid that I'M no more important the casual people, thus if they find someone less crazy and lower-maintenance than me, they'll replace me because *all* casual fuck buddies are replaceable, and it makes more sense to have one who isn't so high-strung.

So. There you have it. My own jealousy/envy issues in a nutshell.