Made a decision today. And, no, it has nothing to do with all the drama and bullshit that's currently going on in my life.
I'm going to find a psychologist.
I liked the therapist I saw in town, but I don't feel comfortable laying my level of crazy on her. I REALLY don't think I could do it. And if I don't feel comfortable being 100% honest with a therapist, then what's the point? I'm wasting my money and both our time, and I'm not going to get any better.
I've been researching online. I'm looking specifically for someone who handles mood disorders and personality disorders. I really don't wanna get slapped with the borderline label--for multiple reasons--but I'm pretty sure that's part of what's going on. And if that be the case, it needs to be addressed to get better.
Of course, there's no one in this town who deals with personality disorders at all that I can find. The closest place I can find is Birmingham. I found good reviews of one place online, so I think I'm going to call there on Monday and ask to see a psychologist--a Ph D., not a counselor--who specializes in mood disorders and concurrent personality disorders. According to their website, they have several, so surely I can get an appointment with ONE of them.
I'm tired of being angry all the time. I'm tired of fucking up everything over and over because of baggage I've been carrying around all my life.
I'll probably never get health insurance again, once they slap me with an Axis II. And it's probably going to be more expensive than God Himself should allow. But I've got a credit card that's basically paid off now. I'll pay for it that way if I have to.
I just don't see the point in living this way anymore if I don't have to.
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