Ok, I finally got finished with all the work stuff I was going to do today. I've been super-busy between the phone and the web work, so I'm taking a well-deserved couple of hours off before I drag my ass to bed.
There actually hasn't been a whole lot going on of late. Which is highly unusual in my life. Which makes me think this is probably the calm before the storm. Ever get that feeling? I do. I don't anyone who knows me can even call it paranoia, given the way drama follows me around like a jewelry peddler on a Mexican beach. (Ever been to Cancun? Those are some persistent bastards.)
But for now, all's quiet on the Western front. My family's leaving me alone. No real friend drama. I rarely talk to Kitty about anything worthwhile anymore, so I guess you could say there's not any drama there, either. And, of course, still nothing from Mr. Strong-And-Silent. I've managed not to give into either my urge to drink or my urge to go have random sex. (The latter is far more pressing than the former. It is at least somewhat tempered by the fact that Lamictal makes getting off incredibly weird. I can still do it, but it's a lot harder, and it's sometimes so disappointing that it wasn't worth the effort.) I'm pretty happy just holed up here, trying not to accidentally light myself on fire because Lamictal has made me Dumber. Than. A. Post.
Now that I say that, the shit will hit the fan tomorrow morning. *Eyeroll*
But since I don't have anything to really get off my chest right now, I think I'll do another exercise from my DBT workbook. I haven't posted one lately because the first skill it teaches is mindfulness. It's not that mindfulness isn't an important skill; it's that it's kind of hard to do written exercises about it.
I have, however, been doing some of the mindfulness thought exercises. To tell the truth, at first, I kind of thought it was really stupid and wouldn't work. But I promised myself that I was going to give this whole thing a go, so I did it. I was surprised to find out that it really does help keep me grounded and in the present moment enough that I don't seem to catastrophize things the way I used to.
The next section, while still part of the overarching "mindfulness" chapters, is a little easier to do in written form. It's about choosing to act vs. merely reacting. I...*might* have a problem with this. Apparently, one is supposed to use one's "wise mind" when choosing to act, rather than relying on one's "emotion mind" or one's "reasoning mind."
Emotion mind is just what it sounds like: thinking with your feelings instead of your brain. Reasoning mind is the more detached and clinical aspect of thought. Wise mind is a combination of the two, neither too emotional nor too detached. I'm struggling with this a lot more than I struggled with the general mindfulness stuff, but I think I'm doing ok.
The rest of this post is going to be kind of scrambled, but I'm going to try to answer some of the questions the author poses of her readers.
~Can you think of examples of when you've acted in a way that may have been satisfying in the short term, but in the long run may have been harmful, or at the very least not beneficial to you? When haven't I acted in a self-destructive way? I can come up with a whole bunch of examples that extend over a whole bunch of different situations and circumstances, but I don't want to enumerate them all here. I live with the memories of them every day, and that oughta be enough for anybody.
The next part is a set of mindfulness practice questions that you can use if you're in a situation where you don't know what to do or when your emotion mind or reasoning mind threaten to take control. I'm going to paste the questions here, so I have them for easy access when needed, but I'm not going to fill them out right now, as I don't have a pressing situation at the moment.
1.) Describe the situation.
2.) What are the emotions you are experiencing about this situation?
3.) What is your urge in this situation? (What is your emotion mind telling you to do?)
4.) What is your long-term goal in this situation?
5.) What would be a helpful action for you to take in this situation? (In other words, what can you do that would make it most likely for you to meet your long-term goal?)
I do plan to use these questions to help me assess what's going on in my life as situations arise, so count on seeing them at least semi-regularly. I just don't have anything that I'm dying to act on now, so filling it out right now is unnecessary.
The next section is on reducing reactivity through healthy lifestyle choices. I'm going to touch briefly on these.
Sleep Assessment
1.) Are you currently making sure you get enough sleep, but not too much? I've got the not too much part covered. I've been struggling with sleeping enough lately, though. I'm doing my best to try to get this straightened out, but I have to admit, my sleep pattern could be better. I don't want to have to use sleep meds too often, but I'll use them if need be.
2.) What could you do to be more effective in this? Go the hell to bed when I get sleepy. I'm bad about saying "I'm going to finish what I'm working on, then go to bed," or "I need to work until such-and-such time, then I'll go to bed." My problem is I'll be really sleepy for awhile and then will catch my second wind and not be able to go to sleep 'til daylight. Then, it's usually not a very good (or very long) sleep because of the light coming in the window.
3.) What is one small goal you can set for yourself to start working toward being more effective in this area? Try to get my work done earlier in the day, so that I don't feel like I'm neglecting it if I get sleepy sooner than I expected.
Substance Use
1.) How are you currently managing your use of drugs and/or alcohol? By not drinking. If I choose not to drink, there's nothing to manage.
2.) What could you do to be more effective in this? I don't think there's a whole lot more I can do besides not drink, LOL. I'm not dependent on alcohol, and it's generally not a struggle for me to avoid it.
3.) What is one small goal you can set for yourself to start working toward being more effective in this area? Continue to not drink? At least until I'm sure I'm only drinking for healthy reasons instead of unhealthy ones.
Mental And Physical Health Assessment
1.) How are you currently taking care of yourself physically and mentally? Not eating out as much (though this is as much a function of being poor as being healthy). Not drinking. Not giving in to the urge to engage in sexual escapades that are going to make me feel worse about myself. Exercising, at least a little. Taking meds (always). Not engaging when people try to bait me. Writing this blog and doing these DBT exercises. Trying to fix the sleep problems. I'm sure there are more, but that's plenty, I think.
2.) What could you do to be more effective in this? I could exercise more still. I'm a lot lazier about it than I ought to be. I should probably do more about fixing my sleeping, too.
3.) What is one small goal you can set for yourself to start working toward being more effective in this area? Do some form of physical activity every day, however small it may be. Walking, dancing with Fangbunny, doing more boring things if need be. I imagine this will help with both the sleeping issues and the asthma, too.
The next part is on mastery. It's about assessing what you're good at, which, in turn, makes you feel good about yourself. I'm a flaming narcissist, so I shouldn't have any trouble with this at all.
Activity Mastery Assessment
1.) What are you currently doing that gives you a sense of mastery? Making CSS my bitch! Ok, seriously, it's mostly work stuff, but I love watching my sites rise in the search engines nearly every day. I love fucking around with Wordpress templates until I've customized them and made them my very own. I love breathing life into blog posts. I love writing in general, particularly for money. Yes, I realize this is all work-related stuff right now, but it asks what I'm currently doing, and that's what I've been focusing on the past several days.
2.) What could you do to be more effective in this? I want to learn to build my own sites and Wordpress layouts and so forth from scratch. I think it'd help me tremendously. There are others, but I have so many that it'll be hard to set a small goal in the next question if I list them all, LOL.
3.) What is one small goal you can set for yourself to start working toward being more effective in this area? Read tutorials online and actually try the things they say, rather than going, "This makes no sense, screw it."
The next part is on making judgments. I'm not currently judging anything at the moment because I don't have any heated arguments or whatever going on, so I can't really do the things it suggests doing. But the whole point is to not make judgments. I'll list the questions it asks, but, as was the case earlier, I don't actually need this part right now, so I'm leaving it blank.
Reducing Judgments
~Describe the situation. (Facts only.)
~Describe the judgment you've made.
~Describe the emotions you're feeling.
~Reframe judgment with your "wise mind" to assess the situation in a non-judgmental way.
Ok, that's all for today, as that's the end of the (incredibly long-ass) chapter. The next installment is about surviving a crisis without making it worse, and God knows, that's something I need to work on. So expect that to come within the next few days.
Now, because I'm starting to get sleepy, I'm going to go to bed. See? Look at me doing what I'm supposed to do!
No comments:
Post a Comment