No matter how it sounds, regardless of how angry I am at him, I hold no animosity towards her anymore. I'm *convinced* that she behaved toward me the way she did for two reasons.
1.) She was doing what I was doing, acting off the bullshit he was feeding her.
2.) She was also reacting to the things I did, when *I* was acting off the bullshit he fed me.
Neither of these things were really her fault. I mean, yeah, I guess you could say she's responsible for her actions either way, but I tend to absolve people of responsibility when they're working off false information.
I HAVE to tell her I'm sorry. I have to apologize for believing the worst of her, even when there were signs that it wasn't all as he said it was, for no other reason than because it was what I *wanted* to see.
I miss her desperately. I want her to talk to me. Please, God, let her talk to me. That's all I need. I just NEED to say these things to her.
If there's some way that I can do with her what I did with Kitty, begin slowly repairing a friendship in order to have her in my life in some capacity, please, God, let that happen, too. That is what I truly want. I miss her so much, even though I don't ever show it. It's got nothing to do with him at this point. I just need to tell her this stuff, and I would love to try to be friends again. :(
Please, God, if she's got any feeling for me at all left, let this happen. *Sigh*
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