Kitty Time :)

So I spent the evening with Kitty. We didn't really do a whole lot. Hung out in my living room awhile, went out to eat, picked up a movie from RedBox, and sat on the couch, sharing my old comforter and trying not freeze. That was basically it. She's asleep in my other bedroom now. I got hungry and decided to eat something and get online, so here I am. She has strict orders to wake me up when she gets up, so she doesn't just have to hang around boredly while I sleep, so I'll be going to bed before long myself because I know she usually gets up early-ish.

I had a really good time tonight. I'm glad she came, and I'm glad she decided to stay the night, so we can hang out for a little while before she has to go tomorrow.


Things have changed a lot for me in the past 3 or 4 months. This coincides with my finally being stabilized (minus a few blips here and there). I thought I was stable over the spring and summer, but I wasn't. The cycle had been narrowed, but just because you make the amplitude of the wave shorter (I think it's amplitude--I don't remember physics that well) doesn't mean that the wave stops moving altogether.

I feel completely different now. Not only is my cycling basically gone, but my entire perception of things has changed also. I dunno. It's weird.

Like, at one time, I used to throw this saw at people: "What's more important to you? The relationship, or being right?" While, yes, I have been fucked over a lot, I'm realizing that it doesn't matter so much now. I guess I thought it applied to other people but not to me, or I just really didn't see that I was doing the same thing I accused everyone else of.

In the past, being right was more important--I didn't realize it then, but I do now. Now, it's the relationship that's most important.

Things with Kitty may never be the same as they were. But I'm content with just being able to sit on the couch with her and watch a movie because there was a time when that couldn't have happened--a time when I thought it'd never happen again.

I guess you have to go to a really, really dark place to see what's most important in your life. The people I love are important. Being successful is important. Living my life to the fullest and the best way I can is important. The rest is just bullshit in the end.

All the drama, all the games, the need to always be right? Not important anymore.

In the words of the inestimable Eminem: "This ain't some bullshit; people don't usually come back this way from a place that was dark as I was in, just to get to this place." Not just everybody gets a chance for redemption. I'm going to grab that chance and hold on to it with all I've got...because, really? It is all I've got.