I Have Returned Once More

I'm home now. Not that it matters.

It's cold. So cold. My daddy says it doesn't really get cold here--which is true, at least in comparison to most of the rest of the country--but that it's the humidity in the air that makes it feel so cold. I have no idea what it is, but it gets in your bones, and then it never goes away.

I don't think I'll ever be warm again.

And why does it have to be so dark? It depresses the hell out of me. I HATE fall and winter. HATE THEM. I wish I could turn into a bear and hibernate.

I was going to write more, but Daddy called, and I lost my train of thought. I'll try again later. I really need to work, anyway.

The Bunny Has Nothing Of Importance To Say

I'm still at ChaosKitty's. My intention was to go home today, but it's rainy and foggy as hell, so I stayed. I'll probably have to stay again tomorrow, too. I will be heading back on Thursday at the latest, though.

Work is getting increasingly hard. We're behind by two days on our deadline, though they assured me it wasn't a big deal. It's kind of a big deal to me, though, because I need the money. I hope like hell we can get all this done by tomorrow.

I also started today, so I am obviously hating life right now. I love hanging out with ChaosKitty, but I would love to have my own bed since my back hurts so much.

In other news, ChaosKitty and I have found a slave boy to share (we think). He seems nice enough and clearly obedient, since we had him write an essay for us because we were so behind, LOL. I think we plan on continuing to talk to him online for now, to make sure he's not a tard, and then maybe meeting him after the holidays. He lives in Atlanta, so she'll see him more than I will. I'll definitely take great pleasure in having someone to kick in nuts, etc., though. And, yes, he DOES sound like a painslut. Yay, LOL!

But, yeah, we'll have to see. I'm just sad that douchenozzle still has my fucking strap on harness. And my nylon hood. And my rather expensive armbinder. And probably some other shit, too, but those are the only ones I can think of off the top of my head, since I don't keep a running tally of my sex toys.

I'm not, however, sad enough to bother speaking to his hypocritical ass in order to ask for them back. I feel certain that hell will freeze over and the devil will be buying ice skates before that happens.

Fucker.

Not that I'm bitter.

*Eyeroll*

Cough, Wheeze, Cough, Ad Nauseam

Well, we didn't meet our deadline. Or, rather, we aren't going to. ChaosKitty still has 11 750-word essays to write, all of which I'll have to proofread and format and add all the links that they want done in the most confusing, roundabout way. I have one more essay to write, too, but maybe that won't take long.

I'm so sick. I've been struggling with allergies/asthma all weekend. My albuterol inhaler won't kill the cough. Cough drops sort of work, but only while I have them in my mouth. As soon as they dissolve completely, I start hacking again. My throat is sore, and my voice is wrecked. My whole body aches all over from the strain of coughing so much.

Every time I lay down and try to sleep, I cough and cough and cough some more. Then, I wheeze. Then, I cough. Then, I cry. Then, I cough even more. I suck on cough drops, but I'm afraid to go to sleep with one in. With my luck, I'll choke on it and die. *Eyeroll*

God, this sucks. I've walked around in a fog all weekend from oxygen deprivation. As soon as we can finish this, I'm going home, and I think ChaosKitty is coming with me. But we have to finish first, though I'm afraid I won't be able to get it done if I can't breathe.

I hate my life.

Sadness

I should be working, as my deadline is tomorrow. But what am I doing? Sitting here in ChaosKitty's bedroom, sharing old pictures. Her with her ex-husband; me with them.

*Sigh*

I feel like I'm a million years old.

Well, now that I've sufficiently depressed myself, I think I'll go try to write more bullshit. :(

I am still livin' with your ghost....

How?

How do you tell someone how much you care about them and how sorry you are if that person thinks that every word that comes out of your mouth is a lie?

:(

On The Road Again

Turns out poor Kitty is sick this week, and she's not going to be able to make it on Friday. :( I hope she starts feeling better soon. Maybe so.

ChaosKitty's broke, having given the entirety of her last paycheck to her parents because THEY didn't have any money. I have her medication for next month, and she doesn't know when she'll be able to come here. So I'm going to go take it to her. She's also having some serious problems, so I'm going to see if we can't find a Georgia mental health clinic to shoot her into.

I don't think the Lamictal is helping her like it helped me. We're going to see if we can get her on something else that will work better (and faster, so she doesn't have to wait so long to see if it's going to help or not). Trileptal, Depakote, Tegretol, lithium, even, if we have to. Or an antipsychotic. Or both. We'll see. Too bad most of the atypicals are still under patent and most of the typicals are fucking ridiculous when it comes to side effects.

But she's going to get help. I'm not abandoning someone who genuinely needs help. I've been there--sick, scared, no one to turn to. Fuck that. I won't let it happen to someone I care about if I can possibly do anything to stop it.

Ok. Going to finish packing and get out of here.

I Hardly Know What To Do With Myself

Ok, so I spent the evening working on some shit that should drive traffic to my sites, rather than working on clients' shit. I know I probably shouldn't have done that, but if I'd had to write one more 750+ word "essay" today, I might've shanked someone. Probably me, since there's no one else here, LOL.

Anyway, since I'm not in the mood to inflict stab wounds on myself tonight, I decided I'd work on something different for a change.

I've finished all I set out to do tonight, which is sort of odd, given that it's barely after midnight. I don't want to start on anything else, though, so I think I'm going to call it a night a couple of hours early. It'll probably do me some good.

When I go to bed, I hope I can avoid the nightmares. They're hardly ever very far away, but lately, they've been a constant companion. I have no idea what causes them. I mean, I'm sure it's because I have shit on my mind, but when DON'T I have shit on my mind? Why has it just gotten so bad recently?

Also, could everyone I love stop dying in my dreams? That'd be great. :(