A lot has happened in the past several weeks, but I haven't had the time, the energy, or the inclination to post about it yet. I'm sure I will soon, but right now? Probably not.
However, I logged in to say this here, since I can't say it anywhere else.
Last night, I had a dream. (Details are a little fuzzy at this point, so all I've got left are general impressions.) I dreamed that she agreed to meet me and talk. Then, after we talked, she pulled me close to her and told me that she forgave me, that she wasn't angry at me and didn't hate me, and that she understood. I was so happy...at least until I woke up.
I know it's not much, but it's a little something to cling to during this incredibly lonely time of year for me.
I hope that she and Kitty have wonderful Christmases, no matter where they go or what they do. Him, too, I guess, though he doesn't exactly deserve it. I hope they are happier than they've ever been in their lives, and I hope that they continue to grow happier and happier and happier every day.
My own happiness, I really don't give a shit about. Theirs? I'd give mine up for theirs in heartbeat.
Merry Christmas, my loves. Merry Christmas.
Monday, December 24, 2012
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Moar Kitteh?
So Kitty came over unexpectedly today to take me out for a late birthday dinner. We went to a new(ish) Chinese place in town that also serves sushi. I may or may not have ended up with 24 pieces of freaking sushi for lunch....*Whistles innocently*
That was some pretty awesome sushi and cheaper than any of the other places in town. The Chinese qualifies as the second-best in town, too. They also have Thai, which I plan on trying next time I go back. I think I've found my new "I want something Asian, but I'm not sure what" place, LOL.
Then, it was over to Dunkin' Donuts for an iced peppermint mocha and a glazed doughnut. It was an awesome dinner.
After that, we went looking at furniture and shiz for her new house. I'm super-excited for her. At least one of us will not be broke-ass white trash forever, LOL. She'd have stayed 'til tomorrow if she'd had her meds with her. (She didn't know she was coming this way when she left the house this morning.) I wish she had been able to stay, but I totally understanding not wanting to go a day without meds. All it takes is two days of missed Wellbutrin doses, and I'm ready to jump off a bridge.
But, yeah, I was just happy to see her. I hope that once she gets moved into her new place, I will get to see more of her. I feel awkward trying to see her much now, given the situation, and I feel bad that she always has to come here to hang out with me. But when she's in her own house, it'll be better.
It hurts, of course, but I can live the rest of my life without the other two. But you will have to pry Kitty from my cold, dead hands. She is the whole world to me and always has been. And if I have to spend the rest of my life showing her that's true, I will. She deserves it after everything she's been through for me.
That was some pretty awesome sushi and cheaper than any of the other places in town. The Chinese qualifies as the second-best in town, too. They also have Thai, which I plan on trying next time I go back. I think I've found my new "I want something Asian, but I'm not sure what" place, LOL.
Then, it was over to Dunkin' Donuts for an iced peppermint mocha and a glazed doughnut. It was an awesome dinner.
After that, we went looking at furniture and shiz for her new house. I'm super-excited for her. At least one of us will not be broke-ass white trash forever, LOL. She'd have stayed 'til tomorrow if she'd had her meds with her. (She didn't know she was coming this way when she left the house this morning.) I wish she had been able to stay, but I totally understanding not wanting to go a day without meds. All it takes is two days of missed Wellbutrin doses, and I'm ready to jump off a bridge.
But, yeah, I was just happy to see her. I hope that once she gets moved into her new place, I will get to see more of her. I feel awkward trying to see her much now, given the situation, and I feel bad that she always has to come here to hang out with me. But when she's in her own house, it'll be better.
It hurts, of course, but I can live the rest of my life without the other two. But you will have to pry Kitty from my cold, dead hands. She is the whole world to me and always has been. And if I have to spend the rest of my life showing her that's true, I will. She deserves it after everything she's been through for me.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Day 30
Last day.
Today, I'm thankful that I'm going to start a new job in January. Same industry, but hopefully something with a steadier paycheck. I'm looking forward to it. :)
Today, I'm thankful that I'm going to start a new job in January. Same industry, but hopefully something with a steadier paycheck. I'm looking forward to it. :)
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Day 29
I'm thankful that, now that all my clients have decided that they can't pay me, I'll have more time to work on my own shit.
I'm trying to look on the bright side here. It's not working out so well.
I'm trying to look on the bright side here. It's not working out so well.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Day 28
Today is my birthday. Today, I am thankful that my mother, however much of a pain in the ass as she can be, came to take me to lunch earlier. Otherwise, I'd have had to spend my birthday all alone. I've never done that before, and I'm glad I haven't started (yet).
This Is My Song, For Real, No Doubt
Well, it's that time of year again.
I'm listening to this song--doing what I've done every November 28th since 2001, when this song came out. Back then, I imagined one day having a huge blowout of a party in which this song featured prominently. But I was a senior in high school then and still believed I would eventually have friends one day. So, yeah, this song is kinda bittersweet since I never got that amazing party I always wanted. :|
If it's your birthday,
Then put your hands up
You wanna get drunk,
Then put your hands up
And if you got some cash,
Put your hands up
And your own job,
Put your hands up
Players wanna play
Ballers wanna ball
Rollers wanna roll
But I'm takin' off
After I dance....
I no longer hold out hope for the party. Nowadays, I just have to be satisfied that I held the demons at bay and made it another year.
Happy Fucking Birthday to me.
I'm listening to this song--doing what I've done every November 28th since 2001, when this song came out. Back then, I imagined one day having a huge blowout of a party in which this song featured prominently. But I was a senior in high school then and still believed I would eventually have friends one day. So, yeah, this song is kinda bittersweet since I never got that amazing party I always wanted. :|
If it's your birthday,
Then put your hands up
You wanna get drunk,
Then put your hands up
And if you got some cash,
Put your hands up
And your own job,
Put your hands up
Players wanna play
Ballers wanna ball
Rollers wanna roll
But I'm takin' off
After I dance....
I no longer hold out hope for the party. Nowadays, I just have to be satisfied that I held the demons at bay and made it another year.
Happy Fucking Birthday to me.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Days 22-27
Day 22: I'm thankful that Thanksgiving is over.
Day 23: I'm thankful that the hospital gave me a 65% discount on my thyroid test because I don't have insurance. I ended up paying $24 and some odd cents for the whole thing.
Day 24: I'm thankful that I now have my truck back and that it's fixed now. My mechanic tuned it up, changed out the spark plugs and wires (which had never been changed--the factory plugs and wires were still on it, and that truck is a 2000 model!), replaced the vacuum hose (which had a hole burned all the way through the damn thing, apparently), and replaced the idle control motor so that he could adjust the idle up. The result is better gas mileage (thank God in Heaven) and a truck that no longer rides like a pulpwood truck and/or goes dead at intersections. *Happy dance*
Day 25: I'm thankful that Cousin Jesus, who is pretty much an asshat in every other possible way, apparently seems to give a shit about his kid. I went to his house with my mama and saw the kid for the first time. He wanted us to pick up some pink and purple Christmas decoration specifically for the little girl, so my mama did that, and then we went up there to decorate. Despite the fact that he is a spoiled rotten douchebag, he apparently loves her and is trying to do the best he can for her, even in the middle of what's turning into a messy-ass divorce. So that's good, I guess.
Day 26: I'm thankful that Dr. Awesome called me today to tell me that my thyroid test came back normal. Not the doctor's office: the doctor herself. And she asked me how my sinus problem was doing (better, but not 100%) and if I'd been keeping up with my pulse rate. I told her that I had been, but that I was going to go to Walmart tomorrow and check it on the blood pressure cuff thing there to make sure it's accurate. Then, she told me if I continued to have issues with it to come back and see her. God, I love this woman.
Day 27: I'm thankful that my friend B. in Huntsville is helping me catch up all the work I've gotten behind on in the past month or two. I should be able to start the month of December completely caught up.
Day 23: I'm thankful that the hospital gave me a 65% discount on my thyroid test because I don't have insurance. I ended up paying $24 and some odd cents for the whole thing.
Day 24: I'm thankful that I now have my truck back and that it's fixed now. My mechanic tuned it up, changed out the spark plugs and wires (which had never been changed--the factory plugs and wires were still on it, and that truck is a 2000 model!), replaced the vacuum hose (which had a hole burned all the way through the damn thing, apparently), and replaced the idle control motor so that he could adjust the idle up. The result is better gas mileage (thank God in Heaven) and a truck that no longer rides like a pulpwood truck and/or goes dead at intersections. *Happy dance*
Day 25: I'm thankful that Cousin Jesus, who is pretty much an asshat in every other possible way, apparently seems to give a shit about his kid. I went to his house with my mama and saw the kid for the first time. He wanted us to pick up some pink and purple Christmas decoration specifically for the little girl, so my mama did that, and then we went up there to decorate. Despite the fact that he is a spoiled rotten douchebag, he apparently loves her and is trying to do the best he can for her, even in the middle of what's turning into a messy-ass divorce. So that's good, I guess.
Day 26: I'm thankful that Dr. Awesome called me today to tell me that my thyroid test came back normal. Not the doctor's office: the doctor herself. And she asked me how my sinus problem was doing (better, but not 100%) and if I'd been keeping up with my pulse rate. I told her that I had been, but that I was going to go to Walmart tomorrow and check it on the blood pressure cuff thing there to make sure it's accurate. Then, she told me if I continued to have issues with it to come back and see her. God, I love this woman.
Day 27: I'm thankful that my friend B. in Huntsville is helping me catch up all the work I've gotten behind on in the past month or two. I should be able to start the month of December completely caught up.
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