This Again

I really hate this fucking time of year.

I have been pretty diligent about staying on top of meds, sleep, etc., etc., but I'm still sinking. I'm not batshit, bouncing-off-the-walls crazy or anything. I'm just...blank. I wouldn't even call it depressed. I think it requires more energy than I have now to be depressed. I'm just...here.

I haven't done enough work to amount to anything in weeks. So, of course, I'm extra-behind again. The real problem here is that I don't charge nearly enough money for my work, but what do you do? Hell, hardly anybody will pay me these super-low rates. If I jacked them up, I wouldn't have any customers at all. :(

So I've got a zillion things to do, no motivation to do them (again), and no way to pay anyone to help me. And each day I fuck around and do nothing, I get that much more behind. I can't even bring myself to give a shit.

I wish there were someone out there in this world who gave a shit.

I am so alone.